Four Toxic Things Coaches Have Said to Me While Playing Basketball in the U.S

Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me. I can attest to it that this statement is wrong. I get the point whoever first made this statement was trying to pass across, but they must have never heard about verbal abuse. Words do hurt and cause trauma and other psychological disorders as well. Over time, while playing basketball in America, some of my coaches have said threatening, condescending, and degrading words to me as a form of discipline. These words have in part contributed to my expat depression.

It has always bugged me that a psychology background is not a requirement for coaches at any level. Athletes spend a good amount of time with them. They play a significant role in their mental well-being as well. One would think they would be required to at least take a general or intro to psych class. You know, so they can understand the line between tough coaching and flat-out bullying and abuse. But I digress.

I spent so much time trying to talk myself out of making this blog post because of fear of adverse consequences. But my therapist said a word that motivated me to publish this. After discussing this particular topic with them, they said the word universality. The American Psychological Association defines universality as “the condition of existing everywhere, often in a very similar or identical form”. In other words, if it has happened to me, others might share a similar experience as well. This word prompted me to do some digging through online research and informal questioning of some of my expat peers. It was heartbreaking to find out that the theme of American coaches tailoring toxic insults to their African players was universal.

With that being said, here are four toxic things coaches have said to me while playing basketball in the U.S

1. I will ship you back to Africa:

This particular phrase was difficult for me to digest. It is toxic because it is dehumanizing. To dehumanize a person is to demean them in a way that deprives them of their human qualities. In this case, I was a disposable object that can be boxed up and placed in transit whenever. This phrase takes my mind to the middle passage and how Africans were transported in slave ships and suffered inhumane conditions. The thing with dehumanizing a person is it opens the door for further abuse, which it did. When someone strips you of your human qualities and sees you mainly as an object, they tend to lose compassion and empathy towards you. 

The sad part about making this blog post was finding out this is a common thing. Universality, like my therapist mentioned. While conducting my research on this topic, I found an article about a coach that said a similar phrase to his international athletes. According to the article, “I’ll Ship You Back To Africa”: The Full Story Behind Brandeis University Firing Its Basketball Coach” the coach got fired for it. I love that for the athletes. Happy they got justice. There is no context in which this phrase is acceptable. I am sorry I caused a turnover in practice. Saying you will ship me back to Africa, is not it. If you want to send me back, the least you can fly me out, even if it is economy. No one wants to be thinking about the transatlantic every time they step on the court. 

2. I hope you get deported: 

Earlier, I mentioned how dehumanization leads to further abuse. Well, this is the evidence. It was the same coach that also said this to me. The toxicity and verbal abuse became constant. During half-time of a game I barely played in, I got cursed out the most for it. What made this even more hurtful was that it was during Trump’s “build the wall” campaign. The time when ICE was detaining immigrants and dumping them in concentration camps. This coach was well aware of the context and kept asking about my legal status. Thankfully I had legal status. Who knew what they would have done otherwise. This statement was not sporadic. It was not in the heat of the moment. It was curated and tailored to hurt me. While others got the typical “we have to do better or we run in practice tomorrow” speech, I got the “I hope you get deported” speech as the worthless and disposable African I was constantly seen and treated as. 

3. You are built differently: 

Dear coach, telling me you know my people and we are built differently, is not the compliment you think. What you are doing is reinforcing the superhuman bias. Superhumanization means thinking certain ethnic groups or races possess special powers that make them feel pain less. It is just as harmful as dehumanization because they lead to the same result. I know when you see me, you see a tall black Nigerian, the built quads, broad shoulders, guns, and all. So, you think I am incapable of feeling pain. At least not like the other because I am built differently. That is why when I complain about being hurt and needing treatment, you deny me the care I need. You tell me to suck it up while the local kids on the team get to enjoy guilt-free rest and proper treatment. Well, this tall, black Nigerian would like to tell you that I am not built differently. Not in this context. It only took a torn ACL, a torn meniscus, and osteoarthritis to state the obvious. 

4. You are a disgrace to your country: 

First off, there are about 200 million people in Nigeria and 14.8million where I am from. What makes you think these people know me or care about my turnovers in practice? While I see this statement as toxic, I still find it partly funny because if this coach knew my president, they would know he is doing a great job at that already. But that is beside the point. This statement came after a minimal incident. For more context, I accidentally stepped on the line during a free-throw boxout drill. The coach proceeds to tell me how much of a disgrace I was to my country. And how dumb I was because I could never do anything right. The severity of the insult in no way matches the act committed. Somehow, my failure no matter how small was indicative of how badly I have failed my country. I do not see the same energy towards the local kids. They get to make mistakes as single individuals independent of their ethnic background. Till today, I am perplexed when I try to reason the rationale behind this comment. But the mentality of some American coaches thinking a single Nigerian on their team represents every Nigerian across the board is a discourse for another time. 

It is awful that I had to endure this kind of abuse from the people that supposedly had my best interest at heart. I have no issue with tough coaching. Tailoring insults to my nationality is not tough coaching. Its abuse; abuse of power, and to the player. I did not move thousands of miles away from home to get bullied because of where I am from. What makes it even sadder is that countless Nigerians and other Africans are experiencing similar treatments from American coaches as well. 

Dear American Coaches, that African athlete on your team deserves better. Being Nigerian does not mean I deserve the short end of the stick. It does not show I am less of a human. It also does not mean that I am a superhuman undeserving of care and attention because of your skewed perception that we do not feel pain. Being Nigerian does not mean I am disposable. I am worthy even when I am not a double-double machine or the best athlete on your team. I am a thinking and feeling human deserving of love, care, and respect. Do better!